even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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