My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
home. puking in laundry basket.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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