The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
