It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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