Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think I just sharted jello shots
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