If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
