They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
