i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
