did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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