the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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