She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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