This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to fling myself into the sun
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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