there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
