I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
