You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
