Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
