like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
