just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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