Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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