I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
