are you still at the devil's house?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My feet surprised me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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