I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
MIDGETS
????
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
