So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
