I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
