hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
