They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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