took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
