on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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