is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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