i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's blow job season.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
