My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
