I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
