you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
