Say something about gay babies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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