i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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