So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
