guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
