It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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