on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
