I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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