I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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