I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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