i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
