I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
