I am spending my child support on dildos
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
