Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
