i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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