At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
