Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
