Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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