Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
