Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
