I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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